Cosmos Cow is a close cousin of Fabio the Fearless. CLICK HERE to see Fabio.

Cosmos Cow Ad Copy
Can a cow really jump over the moon? Of course not. With the possible exception of Cosmos Cow, the hero side of beef. Cosmos Cow (who is actually a bull, but we can’t miss a great alliteration opportunity) has traveled the milky way in search of udder silliness. His destination is your show for a super silly space stunt.

He certainly won’t jump over the moon, at least not willingly. You’ll have to shoot him over the moon with a cannon of doom. This just keeps getting better.

You’ll need an audience helper to be the moon and another to break Cosmos’ fall. Cosmos is placed inside the cannon (Ultra tube or silk switch device) to be fired over the moon into an awaiting udder bag (Change bag of your choice). Ring the cow bell and Cosmos takes flight in the slow motion of space. However, Houston needs to be notified because we have a problem. He smashed into a star! He shot for the moon but smashed a star instead. His expression has certainly changed, as you show the silk with a horrified look. Let’s try that again and milk it for all we can. Back into the cannon and he’s gone. Wait, he seems to be stuck in the cannon. Nope, it’s just a puff of smoke he left behind. Let’s check his udder landing bag. Everyone raise a glass of whole milk, Cosmos has made it! Comes with two 15-inch Cosmos silks, one Cosmos horrified expression silk, one smoke silk and online video instructions. DIY video instructions to make your own ultra tube cannon also online. Cannon of Doom and Got Udder change bag sold separately.

Cosmos Cow is based on a poem written by Barry Mitchell in 1995.
Look up in the sky, it’s a cow trying to fly
Everyone spread the word, one got loose from the herd
It’s amazing for goodness sake. A genuine leather flying steak.
Look what’s happening now, he’s trying to land somehow.
He made it, what a relief. It’s Cosmos Cow, the hero side of beef.

Cecil B. DeMoo Demo
Cecil B is a more positive presentation for Cosmos Cow. The original script is somewhat of a bully version.

Cosmos Cow Demo

Cosmos Cow Explanation

Dr. Moo Explanation
Password is cosmos (all lower case)

Presentation Script & Prop Explanation
Props
You have received four Cosmos Cow silks plus gold medal, which is used in the presentation. Online video instructions may be found on our website on the Cosmos Cow product page. Password is cosmos (all lower case). All other props used in the presentation are sold separately or available on your own. Any change bag may be used, and the cannon is our version of an Ultra Tube, which is a Pavel Change Tube. DIY instructions to make an Ultra Tube are on our website.

SPECIAL THANKS to Steve Petra for his help with Cosmos Cow. He certainly knows how to milk a good routine for all he can get.

If you believe the nursery rhymes, you might believe a cow jumped over the moon. But I say it’s not true. You might even believe the book titled, How the Cow Jumped Over the Moon. (How the Cow Jumped Over the Moon by Sally Huss.) But, I say it’s not true.

Some animals are good jumpers. Frogs are good jumpers, but a frog never jumped over the moon. Rabbits are good jumpers, but a rabbit never jumped over the moon. Mexican jumping beans are good jumpers, but a bean never jumped over the moon. And it’s not because they don’t have enough gas.

It’s just not possible for a cow to jump over the moon. However, if any cow could do it, it would be Cosmos Cow. (Show silk) He could be amazing for goodness sake. A genuine leather flying steak.

But I say not even Cosmos Cow could jump over the moon. (Performer notices a whisper from Cosmos Cow.) Excuse me. What’s that? Cosmos says he’s a bull not a cow. But we can just call him by his initials, CC. Wait. If you’re Cosmos Bull, shouldn’t we call you CB instead of CC?  He says “No.” Why do you want to be called CC? He says, “Because of his theme music.” No. I will not sing that. He wants me to sing his theme song. Boys and girls, you don’t want to hear me sing his theme song do you? Ok, but you may regret it.  (Elvis Presley, See See Rider. “I said See, See See Rider, oh see what you have done. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. I said See, See See Rider, oh see what you have done. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.”) Ok, that’s enough! The point is, I say not even a bull can jump over the moon. But we will see.

We have to have a way to catch CC. (Start shaking your leg like Elvis. Obviously, these jokes are for the older members of the audience.) For some reason, whenever I say CC it makes my leg shake.

We don’t want CC to fly over the moon and end up as a beef patty. I have a soft place for him to land. (Show change bag) I call it his cow PAD-dy. Get it, pad for a cow. A Cow Pad-dy. (Groan) You people wouldn’t appreciate Good Humor, if you ate it on a stick. (Another joke for the older among us.)

You can’t just prod a bull to jump over the moon. You have to FORCE him against his will. That’s why we are going to SHOOT him from a Cannon! CAUTION, it’s the Cannon of Doom! (Ultra Tube)

Wait. Why shoot him over the moon when there are so many other planets and stars available. Let’s shoot him over the SUN! You’ll never read about this in a nursery rhyme. Not only will he be in danger of being lost in space, he may also burn to a crisp. In which case, we’ll say, “Well done.”

I will need a herd of helpers. A herd of two. (One helper plays the sun and the other is the landing pad, aka cow pad-dy.)

(Sun) – You’ll be playing the part of the sun. You get to hold a reasonable facsimile of the sun. (Several prop options are possible for the sun. We also suggest a chair so the sun can both rise and set. Anything from a DIY foam core sun to a yellow frisbee could be fun. Another option is to make a prop with a face hole in the center, so the helper’s smile becomes the sun. If you really want to be different, have the helper hold a bottle of Sunny D orange drink.) Please listen for my commands to rise or sit. We’ll get you a chair for when the sun sets. (You may wish to add a short verse of “You Are My Sunshine,” to your script.)

(Cow Pad-dy) – You get to hold the udderly ridiculous cow pad-dy bag. Wait, there’s some stuff in the bag I didn’t want CC to see. It’s chocolate milk. He doesn’t like it when you mess up good milk with chocolate. Red Bull. This might come in handy since Red Bull gives you wings. Beef stick & beef jerky. He’s not a fan. Hey, what’s the difference between a beef stick and beef jerk-y? A rotten attitude. (Joke contributed by Steve Wronker.) And vegetable beef soup. Wait, that’s actually my lunch. And we have a cow bell. It’s like a cow early warning system.

Cow Pad-dy, your job is to hold the cow bell in one hand and the bag in the udder. I mean other. Hold the bag up high and the bell low. When it’s time to shoot the cannon, I’ll tell you to ring the bell.

CC is about to take his historic journey over the sun. In 1969, Neal Armstrong became the first man to step on the moon. He said it was one small step for man and one giant leap for mankind. Today CC will be the first to be shot over the sun. This would be a good place for a joke if I wasn’t so sad about my career choices that led me here.

Everyone take a final look at CC before he goes into the cannon. (Place in cannon.) I’m going to poke CC into the cannon with a milk shake straw, aka a COW POKE. Makes perfect sense to me. Get ready. Sun please rise and shine. Cow Pad-dy please ring your bell.

Wait, CC has something to say. Sun, you may sit and Pad-dy please put your cow bell on silent. (Remove scared cow silk from cannon. This is first silk switch through tube. The next portion of the script may be presented as a puppet script using anAxtellMic Mouth or simply allow CC to whisper in your ear as you repeat his lines. If using Mic Mouth, ask the Sun to hold the silk so you can better control the Mic Mouth.)

Performer – CC you look different. What’s on your mind?
CC – I’m scared.
Performer – Are you saying you’re. COWard? (Wait for groan.) You’re scared to fly over the sun and possibly burn your cow tail?
CC – Well Duh!
Performer – CC, there’s nothing to fear but fear itself.
CC – Then you get in the cannon.
Performer – Maybe you need an incentive.
CC – No, I need a different job.
Performer – CC, it’s times like these when we separate the men from the boys.
CC – I’m a cow.
Performer – You got me there. CC, I’m going to place my gold medal for bravery inside the udder bag. All you need to do is get there and it’s yours.
CC – I hope the award is not given posthumously.
Performer – CC, the boys and girls may not know what the word posthumouslymeans.
CC – In other words, may I live to see it.
Performer – CC, you have to make a choice.
CC – I AM Choice Grade A.
Performer – Time to decide. Are you chicken or beef?
CC – Bok, bok, bok.
Performer – I think chicken is on today’s menu.
CC – Then I’m beef. Put me in the cannon!

Alright, let the launch begin. Into the cannon he goes. I’ll place my gold medal inside the Cow Pad-dy bag. (Switch bag to side with finale silk and drop in medal with silk. Helper will hold bag without knowing silk and medal are ready to be seen.)

Sun, it’s time to RISE. Cow Pad-dy, prepare to ring your bell. On the count of three, it’s time to blow the bull horn. (A toy cow horn may be used for additional fun.) Three, two, one, ring the bell. WAIT! He’s still in there. He really is a COWard. (Remove smoke silk.) No, it’s just a puff of smoke. Cow Pad-dy, look inside the bag. He’s there, along with his medal for bravery. A nice round of applause please for Cosmos Cow and the cow hands.

Cecil B. DeMoo Stunt Actor
We have a star with us today. You may have heard of him. He’s the cow that jumped over the moon. He’s famous for goodness sake. A genuine leather flying steak.

Ironically the nursery rhyme got it wrong. It wasn’t a cow that jumped over the moon, it was a bull. And he’s here today. It’s Cosmos Bull, the hero side of beef! He likes to be called CB. Actually, Cosmos Bull is his stage name. His real name is Cecil B. DeMoo. That joke is for the really old people.

Between autograph special appearances and movie work, CB does some stunt work too. You may have seen some of his work. He played the cow in the movie Twister. He is also a life coach for the Chick Fil-a cows. He’s very famous in the herd. He’s here today to show us one of his favorite stunts. CB will jump over the moon.

(Notice that CB is whispering to you) What’s that? Excuse me CB is saying something.

You want us to call you CC. Wait. If you’re Cosmos Bull, shouldn’t we call you CB instead of CC?  He says “No.” Why do you want to be called CC? He says, “Because of his theme music.” No CC, I will not sing that. He wants me to sing his theme song. Boys and girls, you don’t want to hear me sing his theme song do you? Ok, but you may regret it.  (Elvis Presley, See See Rider. “I said See, See See Rider, oh see what you have done. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. I said See, See See Rider, oh see what you have done. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.”) Ok, that’s enough! (Start shaking your leg like Elvis. Obviously, these jokes are for the older members of the audience but there are still a few out there that will enjoy them.) For some reason, whenever I say CC it makes my leg shake.

We all have heard about the cow jumping over the moon. But it is now the 21st century. Time for new challenges and even greater accomplishments. Today CC is going to do something incredi-BULL! But he doesn’t like to toot his own horn, so I’ll do it for him. (Horn) But there will be no more horn tooting today unless CC can jump over… THE SUN! If he does, he will be awarded a PRIZE that no bull has EVER received… The No Bull Prize (Show gold medal) Can he do it? Will he do it? He’s going to need lots of encouragement from the audience.

We don’t want CC to fly over the sun and end up as a beef patty. I have a soft place for him to land. (Show change bag) I call it his cow PAD-dy. Get it, pad for a cow. A Cow Pad-dy. (Groan) You people wouldn’t appreciate Good Humor, if you ate it on a stick. (Another joke for the older among us.)

Let’s make it a little more fun for CC. He won’t just jump over the sun. We’ll shoot him over the sun from a cannon. Now we’re talking.  

I will need a herd of helpers. A herd of two. (One helper plays the sun and the other is the landing pad, aka cow pad-dy.)

(Sun) – You’ll be playing the part of the sun. You get to hold a reasonable facsimile of the sun. (Several prop options are possible for the sun. We also suggest a chair so the sun may both rise and set. Anything from a DIY foam core sun to a yellow frisbee could be fun. Another option is to make a prop with a face hole in the center, so the helper’s smile becomes the sun. If you really want to be different, have the helper hold a bottle of Sunny D orange drink.) Please listen for my commands to rise or sit. We’ll get you a chair for when the sun sets. (You may wish to add a short verse of “You Are My Sunshine,” to your script.)

(Cow Pad-dy) – You get to hold the udderly ridiculous cow pad-dy bag. Wait, there’s some stuff in the bag. It’s some of CC’s favorite things. It’s chocolate milk. He loves this stuff. Red Bull. This might come in handy since Red Bull gives you wings. And vegetable beef soup. Wait, that’s actually my lunch. And we have a cow bell. It’s like a cow early warning system.

Cow Pad-dy, your job is to hold the cow bell in one hand and the bag in the udder. I mean other. Hold the bag up high and the bell low. When it’s time to shoot the cannon, I’ll tell you to ring the bell.

CC is about to take his historic journey over the sun. In 1969, Neal Armstrong became the first man to step on the moon. He said it was one small step for man and one giant leap for mankind. Today CC will be the first to be shot over the sun.

CAUTION, it’s the Cannon of Doom! (Show Ultra Tube) It’s one cow in a cannon making history for all cow kind.

Everyone take a final look at CC before he goes into the cannon. (Place in cannon.) I’m going to poke CC into the cannon with a milk shake straw, aka a COW POKE. Makes perfect sense to me. Get ready. Sun please rise and shine. Cow Pad-dy please ring your bell.

Wait, CC has something to say. Sun, you may sit and Pad-dy please put your cow bell on silent. (Remove scared cow silk from cannon. This is first silk switch through tube. The next portion of the script may be presented as a puppet script using anAxtellMic Mouth or simply allow CC to whisper in your ear as you repeat his lines. If using Mic Mouth, ask the Sun to hold the silk so you may better control the Mic Mouth.)

Performer – CC you look different. What’s on your mind?
CC – You didn’t tell me we were going over the sun.
Performer – No, I didn’t but don’t you think it’s time to step it up.
CC – The SUN!
Performer – CC, this is an opportunity to show courage to everyone.
CC – Then you get in the cannon.
Performer – Remember CC, you get the No Bull award for this.
CC – Not enough.
Performer – How about I throw in the No Bull Award AND a coupon for a free milk shake?
CC – Put me in the cannon!
Performer – Everyone has their price.

Alright, let the launch begin. Into the cannon he goes. I’ll place my gold No Bull award inside the Cow Pad-dy bag along with a gift certificate for a milk shake. (Switch bag to side with finale silk and drop in medal with silk. Helper will hold bag without knowing silk and medal are ready to be seen.)

Sun, it’s time to RISE. Cow Pad-dy, prepare to ring your bell. On the count of zero, it’s time to blow the bull horn. (A toy cow horn may be used for additional fun.) Three, two, one, ring the bell. WAIT! He’s still in there. (Remove smoke silk.) No, it’s just a puff of smoke. Cow Pad-dy, look inside the bag. He’s there, along with his No Bull Award for bravery and milk shake coupon. A nice round of applause please for CC and the cow hands.

Dr. Moo
(See the video demo for more details about the props used. This routine may be performed as a single or with a helper.) I lost my favorite kazoo when I was 6 years old. It has bothered me ever since. But I don’t have to be bothered any more. I can now ask for help from the doctor. Dr. Moo, that is.

Dr. Moo will go back into the past when I was 5 years old, before I lost my favorite kazoo, and bring it back right here for all to see. To travel to the past Dr. Moo will use … The Can-O-Time.  To activate the Can-O-Time we must all say ‘ Woo Woo Dr. Moo!’ Silk in can, woo woo, open can and it looks like Dr. Moo is still in there. (Have helper remove silk and show, revealing the puff of smoke)

He’s GONE! Do you think he found my kazoo? Let’s bring him back. But wait, he can only use the Can-O-Time once a week. Should we wait a week to find out? Can everyone meet me here at the same time next week? No.  

Then we will bring Dr. Moo back with . . . the Bag-O-Time! (Any change bag but a zippered bag may add to the fun with the helper) Woo Woo Dr. Moo! Look it’s Dr. Moo back from the past. (Remove silk from change bag but leave kazoo inside.) But, he doesn’t have my kazoo.  It’s not here. You can look for yourself.  No kazoo. Boo hoo Dr. Moo. (Helper reaches in and pulls out the kazoo.) Wow, he did it. It’s like going back in time and I’m 6 years old.

Cannon of Doom Demo

Behind the Scenes Cannon of Doom
This video requires a password. Password is doom (all lower case)

VIP Video DIY Cannon of Doom (Ultra Tube)

DIY Instructions to make an Ultra Tube
These instructions have more details. Password to watch is cosmos (all lower case)

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